Saw this on AA. On a day when the Cowboys lose and look terrible while doing said losing, it's stuff like this that can turn that frown around.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Alright YouTube viewers, and JeterChrist blog readers, as you may have heard, last night, Miami Heat center Alonzo Mourning tore a tendon in his knee........ and will probably have to retire. I believe this is a sad day for Alonzo Mourning and for the Miami Heat organization. I know Dachs is a Knick fan and everything and does not like Alonzo Mourning, but I just don't believe, I mean, this is not a good thing, I believe. This is a bad thing to happen to this team. I do not know how the Miami Heat are going to overcome all of them injuries.
This is Kige Ramsey for YouTube Dachs's blog, and this is just a reminder, to submit your questions now for Touchdown Tuesday, and I'll be back later today on YouTube with my NFL prognostication.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
This time his message is directed at Jessica Simpson, although he says he's going to save his real message to her for the playoffs.
Also, Roy Williams's appeal has been denied so he won't be playing Saturday night against Carolina. Balls, we need this game, hopefully whoever fills in, Keith Davis, Pat Watkins if he's healthy, can step up.
The inaugural mother of the year (apologies to my own mother for coming in 2nd this year, better luck next time), Mrs. Lynne Spears!
Not only did she give birth to the rebbetzin, who has had her own issues this year since we decided to take a break, she also has another daughter, a 16 year old daughter, the lovely in that sort of looks like Britney way, Ms. Jamie-Lynn Spears. Jamie-Lynn seemed to be starting a nice career for herself, appearing on the bastardized terrible version of All That, as well as getting her own show on Nick, Zoey 101.
But wait, she's preggers!
That's right, this 16 year old mini-Britney is preggers. My favorite quote about the whole thing comes from our honoree, who said, "I didn't believe it because Jamie-Lynn's always been so conscientious. She's never late for her curfew".
Okay, Lynne, I can call you Lynne right, unless you're the type of mother-in-law who prefers I call you Mom, either way, you suck as a parent. Never late for curfew? Spazz, she's either sneaking out afterwards, sneaking him in beforehand, or partaking in some afternoon delight.
And that, along with all the other news a certain special someone has been making this past year that we'll try to forget, is why Lynne Spears is the inaugural Jeter Christ Mother of the Year. You make Kathy Hilton look like Norma Arnold. Jeter Christ Almighty you suck at parenting.
In the other news of the day, Bill Parcells is going to be joining the Atlanta Falcons as a director of football operations, whatever that means. As long as he doesn't try to steal Jason Garrett away, I don't care. UPDATE: Apparently, he's turning them down and considering a similar offer from the Dolphins.
And finally, the official roommate of the blog, the one, the only, Taz Marelof is celebrating his 21st birthday. If you're not partaying tonight with him in honor of the occasion, the least you can do is go to his blog and click on his ad, and/or contribute to the lap-dance fund. Your call.
What the shuffle decided I should listen to: "Rock Star"-Kells/Luda/Kid Rock, that song is ridiculously good, "Piece of Me"-Britney, how appropriate.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
New England Patriots, 14-0, some say they're the best team of all time, 8 Pro Bowlers. For what it's worth, admittedly not thaaaat much, the Cowboys (your 2007 NFC East Division Champs) have 11. 11! That includes 7 starters, really 8 since I don't think whoever's coaching will start Sean Taylor over Ken Hamlin, plus an additional 4 alternates. How Bout Dem Cowboys indeed.
Also, as some of you may know, today is Chris Farley's 10th yahrtzeit, only right to watch one of the funniest sketches in the show's history on this day.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Minutes of the meeting, Klinger put down the blowup doll after repeatedly supermanning that doll, finally making his way to the fabulous Morg 403 Hotel and Casino Resort in DA HEIGHTS. M.I.M.S. Baby. Klinger did not put his hand on his leg when told to, he did however look, and continued to chew on his stale-ass nasty pretzels that he didn’t bring for anyone else, because he sucks, and is not a very polite guest. However, since this thing is due in 3 days, 4 days my bad. Good call Taz on the my bad getting in there. That should be a comma after bad, but I’ll let Klinger’s retardation slide just this once. Klinger said “Let’s Start.” This was obviously stupid because we had already started earlier in the semester when we made up to be in the group. Klinger did not know what a SWOT analysis was, we found this hysterical. Taz knows what literary criticism is however, for he reads books in exchange for half-hazard attempts that Klinger makes at using big words. This is because Klinger feels you can be a complete asstard, but if you’re wearing a suit, no one will mind. Klinger failed to pick up on “The Office” reference, for he does not watch funny TV. He prefers Lifetime, and the Oxygen network. He is also rather fond of the official sponsor of Dachs & Elie, 2girls1cup.com. Klinger recommended we use encyclopedia.com, for he had never heard of Wikipedia. Klinger suggested we make up our own country, for creativity alone, surely we would get full marks, good call Queer Dumbledore. By the way, let me pimp my blog, jeterchrist.blogspot.com Klinger apparently thinks we are starting a business in every single country in the continent of Africa, for, as previously mentioned, he’s a little retarded. Klinger made believe he knew what the Tic-Tac-Toe box really represented, but he didn’t. Klinger created a Swiss Death Star, which failed miserably. Klinger insulted me tremendously when he said he never went to my blog, repeatedly. Klinger denied going to Taz’s blog, even though we all know he’s been there many a time, and twice on New Years’. Klinger was then easily distracted by the pretty pictures, for he has the attention span of a 5 year old jackass. Dachs, continued to set the record for most uses of the word ass in one blog post, he was not sure what was goin’ on there, maybe it’s because the ‘Boys lost so he’s upset. Dammit Klinger. Apparently, I spelled Switzerland, Switerland. Klinger finally finished his pretzel, and proceeded to attempt to read last week’s S.I. Yes, the one with Brett Favre on the cover as Sportsman of the Year, no, I don’t know why he was given that award either.If you actually read this whole thing, you'll be in the running for my Blog Reader of the Year.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Of course there's no chance in hell that the Captain will be on this list, since he is the paragon of virtue. Here's to hoping Ortiz and/or Schilling are on it, so we can asterisk '04 and '07.
In other news, the Knicks still suck, the Rangers still suck without Sean Avery, and the Cowboys can clinch home-field throughout the playoffs with a win this Sunday and a GB loss.
As for the big news of the last couple of days, Alex Trebek's heart attack. It was minor and he should be back in time for the next round of tapings, but if he's not, you know I know just the right man for the job.
UPDATE: So Pettitte's on there, balls. As for other Yankees, either those who took during their Yankee tenure, before, or after: Giambi, Clemens, Sheffield, Kevin Brown, Neagle, Manzanillo, Hal Morris, Velarde, Stanton, Rondell White (what?), Grimsley, Todd Williams, and good ol' Chuck Knoblauch.
No big name Red Sox, but let's start a conspiracy theory since Mitchell is involved with their organization so he covered up for Varitek, Schilling, Ortiz, and Trot Nixon.
But we can laugh at Mets fans, with Todd Hundley and Paul Lo Duca on there.
Pitchers and catchers 2 months from tomorrow.
Monday, December 10, 2007
The Knicks lost again tonight. Isiah hasn't been fired yet.
Who else is pumped for the LaTroy Hawkins era? That might end up being our biggest acquisiton of the off-season, unless we get one of San Francisco's really good young pitchers, Lincecum or Cain, for Matsui. (And then if we flip that guy with Ian Kennedy or highly touted propsect Humberto Sanchez for Santana, hello nurse.)
And finally, it's officially the Christmas season. What makes me say that? Santa Kige, of course.
(Yeah, yeah, the gambling near-locks were dead wrong. I told you to bet against me.)
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Last night's fight was disappointing, not just because I was pulling for Hatton, but the constant clutching and grabbing made the first few rounds painful to watch. The last three rounds were exciting knowing that any moment Mayweather was gonna knock him out, but I'm very glad I didn't plunk down 55 bucks for this thing, good work Sopcast.
As for the future, supposedly Mayweather is gonna take the next 2 years off and maybe come back in 2010. I can see my boy Cotto going through any welterweight contenders during that time, guys like Hatton, Paul Williams and Ricardo Torres, and uniting the belts, leading to a huge PPV fight between the undefeated Mayweather and Cotto.
Alright, let's try this football betting blog thing. I probably should've done this Thursday or Friday, because of my dozens (and dozens) of readers, how many are gonna read it in the next hour? Whatever. Take my advice at your own risk, or bet against everything I say if it makes you feel better.
The near-locks: These are the bets that I think will win even up, no teasing needed. Throw 'em in a parlay if you'd like.
Eagles -3 vs the Giants, Eli Manning sucks, plus he's on the road (I know they beat Chicago last week on the road, Chicago's terrible, don't read too much into that), McNabb coming back, I see Philly winning easy.
TB -3 vs Houston. Vegas hasn't been giving TB too much respect this season, and even if one of the McCown boys is starting at QB, since Garcia is questionable, I still think they'll cover this spread.
Dallas -11 vs Detroit. Shocking I know. But we're out for blood against Kitna, I'd actually parlay this with the over if gambling was legal.
Saints -3 1/2. Atlanta is really bad, Saints are mediocre. I think they'll cover.
'Dogs I think got a solid chance at winning:
Jets +145 vs Cleveland, 49ers +310, no real reason for that one, just a gut feeling. Steelers are +340, but I'm just not feeling it. I think the Pats get back on track, win that game pretty easily, sorry Elie.
The Teasers: Pick 3 or 4 of these and make some money- Bills to -1, Seahawks to -1, Cowboys to -5 1/2, O/U in DAL-DET to 45, Pats to -4 1/2, SD/TEN O/U to 34, DEN to -1, SF to +15 1/2, Ravens to +16, O/U in Giants/Eagles to 36.
Some props: Romo O/U 300 1/2 passing yards, Romo O/U 3 TD passes, I can see a nice 320 yds, 4 TD game today, with T.O. getting 7 for 120, meaning take his O/Us too, LDT O/U 88 1/2 rushing yards, if Haynesworth doesn't play he'll get 150.
The lotto ticket parlay of the week: 13 to 1- Bills -7, Eagles -3, Pats -10 1/2, Seahawks -7.
Let's see how I do. I'm not necessarily gonna bet all of these things, that would be a little crazy. Alright, probably most of them. Gambling problem? What gambling problem?
We'll get to the Knicks maybe tomorrow. Pathetic how we got beat down by Philly back-to-back. How is Isiah still employed?
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Going into last season, the Yankees possessed the #1 pitching prospect in baseball. As great as Joba was this season, freaking bugs notwithstanding, Phil Hughes was actually the top prospect. At 21, he pitched quite well for the Yankees, with two very memorable performances already: No-hitting Texas for 7 1/3 before having to come out with a pulled hammy, and his great job out of the pen in our lone playoff win (with me in attendance), bailing out the exploded Rocket.
Melky Cabrera is already one of the best defensive centerfielders in baseball at age 22, tying for 2nd in the league with 12 outfield assists. Plus, when finally given regular playing time, he hit pretty well also and only figures to improve.
These two alone for Santana was better than the crap Boston was throwing at them, by not including Buchholz and Ellsbury together in any package. But they wanted us to thrown in Ian Kennedy too, and wouldn't accept two second-tier prospects instead.
Now it looks like they get a few more months of the great Johan Santana (my 1st round pick in the last 2 fantasy drafts, a championship followed by a runner-up) before he leaves in free agency, signing with us anyway. Even if Liriano is able to come back, Detroit is much better than them, Cleveland is too, they have about a 5-10% chance at even making the playoffs.
Good job Bill Smith, you could've had Hughes/Liriano anchoring your rotation for the next 5 years, now you get Santana/Liriano for 1. Moron.
PS: Some things to look forward to- if I'm not too lazy there might be the debut of the gambling post, take the Bears tomorrow night, but we'll get to Sunday's games there. Also, either a preview of the fight Saturday night, a recap, or both. (Alright, let's be honest, if even 1 of these gets done it'll be surprising.)
PPS: Eli Manning still sucks. They won last week in spite of him. And to think, they could've just drafted Roethlisberger. At this point, I obviously have to mention ROMO.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
The Rangers finally beat DiPietro, and then went on to beat Ottawa yesterday. Jagr had another goal and seems to be back on track. One of the more underrated players to this point has been Marc Staal, possibly our best defenseman just 25 games into his career.
And the Knicks have won 3 out of 4. Yeah we got destroyed in the 1 loss, but we've won our last 3 home games, although today vs. Phoenix will be hard.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
3. Islanders vs Rangers- A huge rivalry, we're only 1 point ahead of them in the standings while they have 2 games in hand, plus we haven't been able to beat DiPietro. Of course, I'm still benching him in fantasy tonight. The horrible Ranger news from yesterday is that my boy Avery is gonna miss a couple of weeks due to wrist surgery. Channeling my inner Kige let me just say, that I believe this is going to hurt the Rangers. We have been playing much better since he came back from his first injury. Should be a good game, decent chance it goes to a shootout. And technically it is possible for this to be an Eastern Conference Finals preview, so that's 1.
2. Knicks vs Celtics- We've won 2 in a row, including one against a real team, Utah. Now we face one of the best teams in the conference. Although not the unstoppable force some thought they would be as they have lost to Orlando and Cleveland, that's still a damn good team. The crazy thing is, we have more talent top to bottom, it's just a matter of actually playing to potential. Marbury needs to play like he has the last 2 games, not the first 10. We would definitely be better off starting Lee instead of Curry though. Much better rebounder, better defender, and Zach can handle the low post scoring duties. The crazy Knick fan in me is saying this will be an Eastern Conference Finals preview, so that's 2.
1. Packers vs Cowboys- The game I'll be watching live. 10-1 vs 10-1. The Hall of Famer vs the young emerging superstar who is endlessly compared to him, and in fact idolized him as a kid. Super Bowl 41 3/4. Brett Favre, counting the playoffs, is 2-10 against the Cowboys in his career, 0-8 in Texas Stadium. Last year, it was about this point that we fell apart, with coaches around the league supposedly figuring out how to stop Romo, although I don't see that happening this year. Kige picked the Packers. Obviously I'm going to disagree and pick the Cowboys.
My plan for the evening: I'm probably gonna check out this meeting place of Cowboys fans that live in New York and watch the game with them there, tape the Knicks, and watch Rangers in 60 when I get home.
Let's hope for a 3-0 night. ROMO
And, by the way, a new blog has emerged to fill the void in your heart left by the death of the BatTaz's deep thoughts, curbingmyenthusiasm.blogspot.com. So check it out Beavis.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
One of the greatest Miami Hurricanes of all time, and although he became a Redskin, he was still one of the guys I loved to watch. The original Meast.
Thanks to the magic of YouTube, some classic highlights from his days at the U can be found here.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Also, it looks like we have a new play in the playbook. Have Gurode snap the ball over Romo's head since he'll always somehow make it work out okay. Unfortunately 1 of the passes got picked off after a deflection, so maybe we should only call that play once every couple of weeks instead of 3 times in a half. But we won, so it's all good. Now we get the Jets at home, after their shocking (or was it, raise your hand if you put a couple bucks on the Jets to win, I can't be the only one). Fortunately it's the Thanksgiving game, otherwise it might be a trap game since the big matchup with Green Bay is next week, but I believe (thanks Kige) we'll come ready to play and handle our business. Supposedly we're already 2 touchdown favorites, so I guess Vegas agrees.
In other news, it's looking like A-Rod and Mo are coming back. I'm so glad I was able to help A-Rod make his decision to come back, I'm still gonna call him Purple Lips on occasion, but that's its own blog topic.
And the Knicks suck. Really suck. We'll see what happens tomorrow night when we're back home.
And while I still haven't seen it, I've been told by 1 of my supposedly loyal readers that Dan in Real Life really sucks, and that no one should waste their time with that horsecrap.
The Shuffle: This Fall Out Boy song I kind of like, Me and You. (I know, what the hell is up with that, it freaks me out too.)
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Big game this week against Washingston, if we win we'll be 9-1, with at least a 3 game lead over everyone else, plus we'll be 4-0 against the division. As my boy Troy said during the game yesterday, when people talk about the Big 2 in the NFL, it's New England-Dallas, not New England-Indy. And that was before Indy lost last night. Only downside of Sunday's games was Detroit sucking against Arizona, knocking me out of my suicide pool.
In other news, one of the Captain's disciples, Troy Tulowitzki, finished in 2nd place in the NL Rookie of the Year balloting to Ryan Braun. Tough break, he should've won because Braun is terrible defensively, while Tulowitzki is mad solid all around, and bought a crapload of Driven. (Driven Black, coming soon.)
Miguel Cotto showed why he's without a doubt one of the top 5 pound-for-pound fighters right now with his solid win over Sugar Shane. Cotto's my boy. No, really, I met him in Central Park while he was training for the Judah fight, and now he's 31-0. Let's see Cotto-Mayweather.
Writer's strike still going on, so enjoy TV while we still have it. Last night's Curb was awesome, tonight's Prison Break should be too.
If I'm not too lazy, maybe I'll blog tomorrow, but if I don't, radio show tomorrow night. You know how we do it.
(Since you all want to know what the shuffle was playing: Pearl Jam-Black, Gym Class Heroes-Cupid's Chokehold, Bruce-Radio Nowhere, Snoop/R.Kelly-That's That Poop)
Wait, where are you going? You didn't click on the ad.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Good ol' reliable Scott Proctor. Throw him out there for 2 innings every game, what can go wrong? Well, besides for his fastball dropping from 98 mph to 92 in a 3-month span, not too much I guess. But he finally was rescued from Torre's terrible bullpen management when we traded for the Better Man (seriously Wilson, it's a solid song, and your last name sort of sounds like it, but get something new so we don't have to hear the same thing 4 times a game). Wherever he's hanging out this offseason, Tom Gordon breathed a tremendous sigh of relief that the Phillies made the playoffs, since otherwise maybe Torre would be replacing Charlie Manuel. And now, just a few short months after Proctor's career was saved, he may be reunited with the legendary killer of bullpen arms, Joe Torre. Hey Joe, Paul Quantrill sends his love.
(By the way, remember QuanGorMo? Jeter Christ, Michael Kay is such a moron.)
Hey wait, you didn't click on the ad. Just click it, you know you want to.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
New real post coming tomorrow probably, maybe a Blackout review?
Happy Halloween. This is Kige Dachsey, for YouTube Blog hawaaawwawww.
Monday, October 29, 2007
1st of all, it seems that Mattingly will now leave the organization to either go back home to Indiana, or join Torre if he takes another job (maybe in LA). Plus, I don't know how guys like Posada/Jeter/Pettitte/Mo feel about having to answer to one of their ex-teammates. But Girardi did always strike me and many others as a good "manager-type" when he was a player, so I guess I'm fine with this.
We'll need a new bench coach now, I can see Pena being there, and then getting whomever at first. Or maybe bring back Buck Showalter and have him on the bench while he waits to get another managerial offer.
As for how we're gonna replace Purple-Lips, a Betemit-Morgan Ensberg platoon would be fine with me, of course that involves getting Ensberg, which shouldn't be too tough. Vechionacci's only gonna be starting the season in AA next year, so while he may be ready in 2009, I highly doubt he'll do anything more for the Yankees than a key stolen base during spring training. (Then again, the best candidate for the job probably will want to rest up with Carrie after winning the Super Bowl. I of course refer to ROMO.) Either way, anyone who thinks we're in a state of upheaval, and that without A-Rod and Torre we're a rebuilding team that will miss the playoffs next season is a complete tard.
By the way, I love how the 5 biggest stories in sports right now are 1. A-Rod 2. Pats-Colts 3. Girardi 4. NFL Recap 5. Oh yeah, the Red Sox, that also happened last night. Always great when the Yankees completely upstage everything else. Selig must be thrilled.
What the shuffle decided I should listen to: No shuffle right now, listening to Mike and the Dog.
Why didn't you click on the ad?
Sunday, October 28, 2007
What a dumbass.
We were going to give you an extension. Is a 5 year, 140 million dollar extension really not good enough? All you had to do was win a ring, or another MVP or 2, and you'd have millions of fans for life, probably get your number retired, and best of all, your very own Yankeeography, besides for an insane amount of money. Instead, you opt out. Brian Cashman already made it quite clear that if you opted out we weren't going to get into a bidding war for you. You really think you're gonna get more money without us involved?
And then the reason your agent gives for your decision. You didn't want to make any decisions until you knew what we were doing about Mo, Posada, and Pettitte. Um, Gay-Rod, opting out is a decision. Pretty big one at that considering it means your potentially illustrious Yankee tenure is done.
Whatever dude, you could've had everyone hate you except for us, the biggest, most rabid fanbase on the planet. Now, we hate you too. Bite me Gay-Rod.
As for the future 3B of the Yankees. I'd give up Ian Kennedy/Alan Horne for Miguel Cabrera but the Marlins will probably only take Hughes or Joba who are absolutely untouchable. Mike Lowell's a free agent, wouldn't mind him. JB Smoove's really funny, don't know if he can play third though. We do have Betemit, and Giambi did start his career as a third baseman (joke, although it would be really funny to see him try to play third at this stage), but as long as we've got the Captain, it's all good.
Good stuff from Buster Olney on this too.
(This of course assumes we don't cave in and go after A-Rod, which would go against everything we've been saying all season and would really piss me off.)
Oh, and do me a favor, click on the ad on top of each new post, because I think I get money and stuff if you do. (Cue the Beavis and Butthead sound effects right here.)
What the shuffle decided I should listen to: Had it off, but my roommate's fan was a decent soundtrack.
Congratulations Boston, we'll get you next year.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Will Dachs ever notice this post was hijacked? Will he ever look at his first post to see how simple things used to be? The kid ain't so dangerous now is he. End of hijack.- Wet Bandits
I'm getting tired of writing this thing and I have to study for a mid-term so let's do the rest of this quick:
What I love: Yankees, Knicks, Cowboys, Rangers, Jeter, Romo, Starks, Messier, SNL, The Wonder Years, Britney (c'mon, I was hitting puberty when she was dancing in schoolgirl uniforms and red catsuits, there's almost nothing she can do to herself that would render her undoable), the '90s, Beavis and Butthead, Seinfeld, Curb, South Park, The Office, alot more TV shows/movies that will undoubtedly be randomly referenced, the immortal Kige Ramsey.
What I hate: Red Sox, "New York" Football Giants (hey, remember when Chris Berman wasn't annoying? good times), Eagles, Redskins, Devils, the Icelanders (there's that shout out you asked for Steve Sommers), and terrorists (I know, really going out on a limb there).
Of course I left out alot of stuff, and there's alot in between the love and the hate, but I'm sure that'll come out soon enough. I'm not telling too many people about this, so maybe only 5 people will ever read this, but it's all good. If it takes time away from studying, it can't be that bad. And who knows, maybe I'll get linked to on Deadspin before I get tired of doing this.
What the shuffle decided I should listen to while posting this: Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song, Eminem- The Way I Am. Jimi Hendrix- Foxy Lady.(Yeah baby, 1st running feature of the blog, you all are loving that inside information.)