Stone Cold Stunning Let's Hit Dachs With A Lead Pipe Dammit Why Is The Door Locked Picks Of The Week The Week The Week!!!!!

Ah, a long, rambling title filled with inside jokes. Is there anything better?

Anyway, here are the 1:00 lines that are so good you don't even need to think about teasing. We'll make believe the blog has a bankroll of 1,000 Schrutebucks.

49ers vs Saints, over 48.5- 2 high-powered offenses, 2 not very good defenses, shootout city, we'll bet 200 Schrutebucks on that one (to win 181.82).

Carolina -7 at home against Atlanta. 100 Schrutebucks (to wn 95.24), Atlanta is 2-1, but both games came at home against terrible teams. On the road against a good team? Eh-eh, it ain't gonna happen. Jonathan Stewart with a big day as the Panthers roll.

Titans -3 at home against the Vikings. As I said before the season (not here, but I did make a point of being mad pumped I got them off waivers preseason in the Yahoo league), the Titans defense is awesome. The Vikings offense, not so much. Peterson may find a way to get 80 and a TD, but Frerotte to Berrian has no chance today, Cortland Finnegan will shut them down, and Kerry Collins will do enough to cover that spread. 100 Schrutebucks (to win 80).

Tampa Bay as a pick 'em at home against Green Bay. Antonio Bryant with a huge game, Earnest Graham with a good bounce back game, Bucs roll at home by at least 10. 100 Schrutebucks (to win 90.91).

Bet those straight up, throw em in a parlay, whatever, go crazy and make some money with them.

As for the crazy 5 team tease, how about Denver to -4, Browns/Bengals O/U to 39, Jags to -1, Titans to +3, and GB/TB O/U to 37. 100 Schrutebucks (to win 450).

And even if all those lose, we'll still have 400 Schrutebucks for the 4:00 game. How awesome is that?

In other news, crazy couple days in college football, shaping up to be an awesome day of baseball today, I still have hardcore bird flu, Moose going for 20, and a huge game for the 'Boys. A crazy day ahead of us all, enjoy.

19-8

As soon as I heard the score from Friday night's game, all I could think about was the last night it was better to be a Yankee fan than a Red Sox fan*. Maybe next year.

Tomorrow is one of those mammoth sports days, with races coming down to the last day and maybe beyond, and a solid slate of football. Depending on my bird flu I may even put some gambling picks tomorrow morning so start getting your hopes up.

30 minutes until Anna Faris finally makes her SNL debut. Sweet.






*Obviously, rooting for a team containing the Captain is an honor and a privilege. But you get the point with that sentence, I miss the curse, what can I say?

Let the mourning commence

"It basically boils down to we weren't good enough," Jeter said. "That's the only way you can put it. Our team didn't play well enough the whole season in order to get to where we needed to be. It's a huge disappointment. That's pretty much all you can say."

RIP Yankee Stadium 1923-2008

Holy crap what a night. More thoughts later, but simply put, if you weren't there you missed one of the greatest, most emotional nights in the illustrious history of the Bayis. Again, many more thoughts to come, but holy crap what a night.

Goodbye Amy

The big SNL news of the day, well, of yesterday, Amy Poehler's announcement that she will be leaving the show after the election. She's mad preggers, as we all saw last episode, and will be taking maternity leave. After which, she will focus her attention on her new job, as part of the new Office spinoff that still has been managed to be kept secret. All we know is it'll be starting after the Super Bowl, much like Family Guy and Kimmel did back in the day.

As for Poehler, she was definitely one of the most valuable cast members since Ferrell left, I always thought she was overrated, but still very funny. Her impressions of Dakota Fanning and Hillary Clinton are among the best in the show's history, while some of her characters like the annoying little girl who keeps yelling Rick and the one-legged chick who farts all the time are quite dumb.

Either way, she will be missed, and it'll be interesting to see what they do with Update, if they go with Seth alone, or pair him up with someone else, maybe Kenan can do it with his Barkley "impression".

The Record That Will Never Be Broken

Last night, in another disappointing loss in this tragic sorry-sack season, there was at least one extremely bright spot. The Captain went 2-3, giving him 1,271 hits at the Bayis, 2 more than Lou Gehrig had and 1,000 more than Randy Velarde. Our heartfelt congratulations to the Captain on this lofty milestone. Even the Captain is pumped about this one, and he generally tends not to give a crap, especially when we lose. But as he said, "This is something that's pretty special. I would be lying to you if I said it wasn't. Records are made to be broken, but this one at least will never be broken."

On a more personal note, my thanks to the Captain. He got 9 hits in 2 days, the last 3 of which coming with me at the game, to tie the record. He then purposely went 0-4 so he could wait to set the record on my birthday. My appreciation for his benevolence to his truest disciple.

And we're back. Again.

So I was gone from this thing for awhile since there were other projects going on. The main one of those is basically done/dead and buried/raped in the face. So good news! Today, on the 22nd anniversary of the birth of Jeter Christ's truest disciple, the blog comes back to life. Go out and celebrate for the blog is back! See you later today.