Friday, February 29, 2008

Isiah's getting fired! Wait, he's staying?

The latest Knick news involves the rumor of ex-Knick Kiki Vandeweghe coming in as GM and president, with Isiah only being the coach. Now, anything involving Isiah losing power is fantastic, so at first glance this sounds great. However it could be so much better, and there's really no reason why it shouldn't be.

Jerry Colangelo has been saying that he'd like to become the Knicks GM/prez, how he views it as a challenge and how he'd like to turn around the fortunes of one of the marquee teams in the sport. He is better than Kiki Vandeweghe, why aren't we going after him? Oh yeah, Dolan's an idiot. Remember, in the '02 draft Vandeweghe took Tskitishvilli over Amare, which is up there with Weis over Artest.

Jeff Van Gundy is a television analyst. He used to be a damn good coach. Why would we rather have the coach who can best be described as a sack of crap, over the coach who took us to our last conference championship? Plus, I'm sure Isiah's not gonna be bitter or anything that he's being stripped of most of his control of the team.

Either way, it's not official yet, and therefore the coach/GM/president of the Knicks remains the biggest asstard of all.

In other news: Flozell "The Hotel" is coming back to the 'Boys for 6 years, 42 million. Very solid decision to bring him back, and it cost us less than I thought it would. Yes, he's good for one false start a game, but he absolutely shut down every defensive end he faced, especially Osi Umentakesdumpsongirlschestura (well, in 11 of the 12 quarters they played, then illegal hands to the face was apparently no longer a penalty and the rest is history, sad, sad, history), and is one of the 2-3 best left tackles in the game.

The Macs' magical run came to an end last night, going down 73-52 to St. Joseph's, who will now unsurprisingly face Farmingdale State on Saturday night for the conference championship. If only Shuki didn't get hurt, who knows what might have been.

And finally, while the Marlins and Cardinals won, the Dodgers scored 3 in the bottom of the 9th to beat Atlanta 5-4. Adding insult to injury, they scored these runs off the dynamic duo of (this is not a joke) Matt DeSalvo and Colter Bean (who were clearly no match for the Dodgers' relievers, and again this is not a joke: Tanyon Sturtze and Mike Myers). Also, from the game recap, an opening paragraph that made me gag, "Joe Torre might have looked out of place wearing Los Angeles Dodgers blue. He was right at home as a winner."

The blog is now down one Spring Training Schrutebuck. Today's spring training parlay: Braves/Reds/Astros. Not as confident in this one as I was yesterday's, but maybe that's a good thing. Plus, today's Dodgers/Braves game is on ESPN! Baseball is back! If I can't watch Yankees vs South Florida (or Las Vegas), I'm gonna watch Dodgers vs Braves dammit.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

NBC can bite me

Las Vegas was/is a damn good show. Yes it sucked for a few episodes last season, but with the new characters (nothing personal Nikki Cox) and some actual real storylines it was a really solid show. It used to be on Monday night, had good ratings, then didn't have good ratings, so they moved it to Friday night. Well that's gonna help the ratings, put it on the night of the week when nobody watches TV. Asstards.

So there I am, looking for a place to download last week's episode, because mrglass didn't have it yet and idont wasn't working, when I come across a bit of news. NBC canceled the aforementioned program. Not only were they canceling it, they were immediately yanking it off the air, without letting them air a freaking series finale. This is bad enough, and I'll get back to the egregiousity (great word, don't think it's real though)later, because it gets worse.

But first things first, why cancel it in the first place? What are they putting on instead? Unless it's SNL reruns or the NBA on NBC, almost everything on NBC absolutely freaking sucks. The network that used to be my favorite is now borderline terrible. Besides for SNL, The Office, Conan and 30 Rock, what do they have? The Biggest Fucking Loser? While the title of that show is hilarious for its double-meaning, why the hell are they subjecting people to having to watch that drivel? 1 vs 100? The only time Bob Saget should be appearing on my TV is as Danny Tanner, or as the dude from America's Funniest Home Videos. Otherwise, bite me, you cockblocked Drama (and you should be guiding his cock, not blocking it), plus Danny Tanner was gay so change that song.

Next, I'm blanking on what crap is NBC's and what airs on the other crappy networks so allow me a second to go look stuff up. Oh, good call. Just take what SNL made fun of last week. Celebrity Apprentice. Celebrity Jiminy Cricket Getting Raped By a Black Popsicle Stick Apprentice. The 1st season of The Apprentice was okay. But then, it got old, quite quickly. The show's not entertaining, the only good thing about it being on the air is that it gives Darrell Hammond something to do, and do quite well I may add (because there's nothing like some juicy black anus steak). The only show with "celebrities" that works is The Surreal Life. No one wants to watch Papa Smurf compete against the ghost of Anna Nicole Smith to see who can sell the most lemonade. You're telling me that crap is better than Vegas?

What else we got? Ooh, soap operas! Days of Our Lives is the only respectable soap opera they've got, and that's not worth watching anymore since Kirsten Storms left and they fired Winks. But you know what, they need some daytime programming, you can keep that show.

NBC has a new reality show coming out entitled "My Dad is Better Than Your Dad". I hope everybody involved with this show gets cancer of the buttocks. Is this how the kids bond with their fathers now? "Hey son, wanna have a catch"? "F that old man, let's go on reality TV like a couple of jackasses". I sincerely hope the creator of the show gets crushed by a Barnes & Noble. I would like for him to be walking along, pass a Barnes & Noble, have said B & N fall down, and crush him and his testicles.

Knight Rider. I do not kid. NBC has brought back Knight Rider. There apparently was an executive at NBC who was sitting in his office and said to himself, "Precious, ya know what show we didn't do justice to the first time around? The one with the dude from Baywatch and the talking car." Who is this guy, Isiah Thomas? If that's not grounds for immediate dismissal, I don't know what is.

Anyways, back to the Vegas aspect of our program. So I finally managed to get my hands on the double episode entitled 3 Weddings and a Funeral. Wedding #1: Mike/Piper (let the record show, Piper is awesome, Elie, if you're reading this, Camille Guaty is in the 6-10 range, maybe even creeping into the top 5, even though she left Prison Break for The Nine, another good show that got canceled with no ending) were having an official wedding ceremony, Wedding #2: Danny/Delinda finally realized it was time to shotgun it, and Wedding #3: The recent pairing of Sam and Casey's little brother which was a shtikel on the random side of things, but since it was looking like it was the series finale, okay. Then for the funeral aspect, we have the apparent death of Cooper, which therefore turns the wedding ceremony into a memorial service. I thought this was fantastic, I had come to terms with the show getting canceled, and I thought it was very cute, they were gonna have weddings, instead they have a funeral. Fine.

So now we're holding at the last 2 minutes of the episode (which by the way had some fantastic classic Vegas moments, bachelor parties, Polly saying she felt like a donkey kicked her in the uterus, good times). Cooper walks in as James Blunt (yes, that James Blunt, from the King James Blunt bible) is wrapping up some slow song, Piper faints, and it seems like it's going to be a happy ending for the episode. Instead, Delinda starts straight up trippin. She feels like crap, mumbles something about the baby, and then reaches down, presumably under her dress, into her private area, and we see her hand now has blood on it. Holy crap. That sucks. I hope everything's okay, what's going on? But we'll never know because the episode concludes TO BE CONTINUED. In case you didn't understand me, let me devote an entire block of space to that.


But they fucking canceled the show and yanked it off the air so we can see 600 pound fat chicks with their moldy cottage cheese thighs learn how to get anorexic! Why the hell would you cancel a series in the middle of a freaking 2-part episode? Are they retarded? They can't just put it on CNBC, MSNBC, freaking Univision, their website, YouTube, whatever? Do they just not give a hell that there are quite a few people out there who watch this show and would like to know what the f''s up. No, apparently they don't, the network that let Katie Couric go and replaced her with the menopausal Meredith Vieira, decided to just leave us hanging. They are the anti-Coitus. Asstards.

In the meantime go to, where they are coming up with creative ways of getting this show back on.

In other news, spring training games are finally here, and you know what that means, gambling on spring training! Nothin' like it. My play of the day, parlay the Cardinals, Braves and Marlins. Why the f not?

The video I've been looking for forever

One of these days I'll start legit blogging again. Until then, I bring to you the video I've been looking for literally close to a year. Oh yeah.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Report: Yanks' Jeter favors blood testing for performance enhancers

"While union chief Don Fehr has opposed blood testing of Major League Baseball players for steroids and substances like HGH, one of the sports biggest stars disagrees.

Derek Jeter


"You can test for whatever you want to test for," New York Yankees captain Derek Jeter told Bloomberg News. "We get pricked by needles anyway in spring training, so we have a lot of blood work to begin with."

Jeter, an eight time All-Star, also went on to say that blood testing for banned substances isn't an invasion of privacy.

Several players, including Jeter's current and former Yankee teammates Andy Pettitte and Roger Clemens, were named in the Mitchell report as having used HGH. Pettitte admitted his use while Clemens vehemently denied taking any performance enhancing substance."

That's right, the Captain's not a cheater and wants to ensure that baseball is as steroid-free as possible.

This post sponsored by the song Thunderstruck. Feel the Joba Fever. It's almost showtime.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The wait is over

Too lazy to actually write stuff, so more YouTube! This one is thanks to the fine folks at Deadspin.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Kids are stupid

Thanks to a tipster who shall remain nameless until he actually calls into the finest radio show alive, comes this video of Kanye West singing with Tina Fey on SNL.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Dwight Howard is freaking dangerous

I am proud to say I have seen every dunk in the Slam Dunk contest, either watching live, or on replays/YouTube/whatever. Dwight Howard last night did 4 dunks. Each of these dunks was absolutely sick. The 1st 3 were 3 of the greatest I've ever seen, definitely all in the top 10, with the behind the backboard windmill and the "tap to himself off the backboard" in the top 5. Moon's 1st dunk was verrrry impressive, Gay was solid, and Green was very good too (the cupcake shtick was cute, and considering McCants gave him a bad pass it was even cooler), but Howard was insane.

Congratulations to Team San Antonio, and my girl Becky Hammon, friend of the show.

In non-NBA news, Pavlik beat Taylor again last night, not surprised, although I was surprised it wasn't a KO.

And in the big news, Morgan Ensberg will be wearing #21. I'm shocked, I thought it was getting retired. Technically it still can because there are plenty of numbers that were worn in between the player's retirement and the number's retirement. But it's a little weird that no one wore this popular number for 6 years, and now all of the sudden it's being given out.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008


Happy Pitchers and Catchers Day!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Your Yankees news updates

The huge news of the day, Phil Hughes no longer has a retarded number. In a related story, the number 34 will be retired in about 20 years.

Doug Mientkiewicz signed a minor-league deal with the Pirates. If something out of Betemit/Ensberg/Shelly works out, he will not be even remotely missed.

Also, today's Kige is up there among the all-time greats. I believe.


Not sure if I blogged about this already and I'm too lazy to check but I think Joba should stay in the bullpen. I'm well aware of the numbers involved, and how 200 innings of Joba are better than 100, but we're still better off with Joba the freaking dominant set-up man.

Since 1996, Mariano Rivera has been the pitcher any sane Yankee fan would want on the mound with everything on the line. He pitches 1 inning a game, maybe 2 in the playoffs (or 3 if it's the epic 2003 Game 7). Now, if you translated his numbers into the role of a starter, obviously they would be better than the crappy 5th starters we've had through these last few years, but then in the later innings we'd be forced to rely on someone less than the best, and why would we want to do that.

With that said, we can apply the same to Joba and the 8th inning (or in the playoffs Joba in the 6th-7th, Mo in the 8th-9th, Jeter Christ that sounds sweet). I would rather have Moose start, go 5 or 6 giving up whatever he does, but then if we make a comeback, know that we have Joba and Mo to lock things down, than have Joba go 7 innings giving up 1, and then watch The Hawk or The Farns compete to see who can blow a 5-1 lead faster (note: Farns is my boy and I like the Hawk signing, but let's try to use them in the 7th, mmkay?).

30-40 years ago, when starters went 9 (and even pussy starters went 8), then Joba in the rotation would make sense. Now, baseball has changed; the best starters only go 7 (while the pussies and Igawas go 3), maybe 8 on a special occasion.

Remember 1996? Wasn't that fun with our solid starters going 6, Mo in the 7th-8th, Wetteland in the 9th? Or 1998-2000? Mendoza, Nelson, Stanton, Mo shutting things down routinely? Joba/Mo (plus Farns, Hawk, Veras, Edwar and Ohlendorf et al.) would make ours the best bullpen in the league. (But if Michael Kay tries to QuanGorMo them with some FarnsJobMo crap, I and many others might finally snap and light his oversaturated liver on fire.)

Also, for the last few years the prevailing worry had been what the Yankees would do when Rivera retires. We've been blessed to have the best closer of all-time, and it seemed there was no way anyone could fill his shoes. We found the guy, his name is Joba, his dad's really nice, and he'll be a sick set-up man until Mo retires, at which point he'll do what he can to become the new best closer of all-time.

In other news:

Dachs & Elie may be making their return tonight, depending on how Elie's feeling, so WYUR it at midnight.

Britney's still alive, so that's good news.

Position-by-Position breakdowns and other previews coming up in the next few days and weeks, so that's definitely something to look forward to since no one else will be doing it.

And finally, I always say click on the ad, but I've noticed that the current ads are for crappy NJ Giants apparel. Feel free to not click on the ad, wait for something that doesn't suck.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Fighting the good fight

Even though it's no longer football season I couldn't help but post part of a fantastic article written by some dude, Johnny from Metroville, on Deadspin.

The beginning is boring, and about how he doesn't understand why people hate him because he's a Patriot fan. But then, oh sweet Jeter Christ, then, he spins some Dachsian rhymes. An example, taken from his description of Giants fans:

"one day very soon, you will wake up to discover ... that you are all douchebags. Pedophile douchebags is what I'm suggesting be the modifier: you are all pedophile douchebags whose hero is an overgrown Sea Monkey that constantly looks to be on the verge of tears. Eli Manning could fall ass-backwards into a Super Bowl victory with the East Rutherford Giants every season for the rest of his God-affronting career and history will never concede that he is a talented football player by any stretch of the imagination."

Check the rest out right over here.

3 Days Until Pitchers and Catchers

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Why the Shaq trade doesn't suck

There are some out there (too lazy to do the linking thing but Taz and Kige are among them), who think that Phoenix trading Marion for Shaq is the worst trade of all time. Incorrect. I'll list some worse trades later, but the main point is, it's really not that bad of a trade.

Marion has an ego issue, where he feels, albeit rightfully so, that he is underappreciated. While Nash is winning MVPs, and Amare is viewed as the best forward on the Suns, Marion's array of talents really does go relatively unnoticed by the mainstream media. His being left off the All-Star team this season really didn't help this issue, plus there have been many instances where he has made moronic comments (for more info, check out :07 Seconds or Less, Jack McCallum's book on the Suns, where even D'Antoni talks about this).

Less than a year ago, Doc Rivers, Kenny Smith and Steve Kerr were asked if given 1 player to build a team around, who they would take. They each said Shaq. Of course he's not what he once was (and these admittedly aren't the greatest basketball minds of all time, although they are pretty knowledgeable about this kind of thing), but a healthy motivated Shaq is still one of the best centers in the league. He is a fantastic passer, and with all of the 3-point shooting Phoenix does it will really help them to have him down low. Phoenix's team as of last week was never going to win a championship if they had to go through San Antonio, which is all too likely. Now they have a more well-balanced team, and Shaq will for their sake hopefully not get destroyed by Duncan as Amare did in last year's playoffs.

Also, while Shaq's contract is terrible, he's got 2 years left where he'll be a Sun if they want them. Marion was almost definitely going to opt out after this season.

From the Heat's perspective, this is a fantastic trade. They get out of a horrific contract and bring in Marion, who as mentioned can opt out after this season. If he doesn't, fantastic, a team built around Wade and Marion can do a lot of cool things in the East, especially if they do as expected and make a play with their expiring contracts for Bibby and/or Artest in the offseason.

As for the worst NBA trade of the last 4 or 5 years, as Kige put it, there is no doubt it is the Knicks trading Penny Hardaway's contract and Trevor Ariza for Steve Francis. Francis was Marbury but worse, with a terrible contract, while Ariza is one of those solid young players you want on your team, and Penny's contract could've freed up a lot of space.

Honorable mentions to the Marbury trade, the Curry trade, the Malik Rose trade, and in the non-Knick division, the Baron Davis trade and the Magic trading McGrady for Francis (yep, him again) and other crap.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Eli Manning: Super Bowl MVP

Words I honestly thought would never go together. I'm shocked. The pass to Tyree where he Romo'd his way away from 2 D-Linemen was incredible.

There were plenty of classic Eli terrible passes, and the Patriots dropped like 4 interceptable crappy throws, but the Giants are the champs, and Eli Freaking Manning is going to DisneyWorld. Congratulations. For the first time in 5 years the Lombardi Trophy is back in the NFC, and for the first time in 12 years it's back in the NFC East.

At the end of the day, I'm very happy the Patriots lost. Anything that makes asstard Red Sox fans sad is fantastic with me. I couldn't root for the Giants during the game, but at least Boston lost. I can't wait to read Simmons's column. This was a lot like Texas over USC in the Rose Bowl. Everyone in the media was talking about the Patriots, as they were talking about the Trojans then, as the greatest team of all time, before they had finished the job.

I actually predicted New England would go 18-0 and then lose the Super Bowl, although it should've been to Romo and co. Speaking of which, I have yet to hear anyone blame Gisele for Brady's struggles tonight. Stupid media asstards.

And as always, Belichik, the epitome of class, running off the field instead of shaking Coughlin's hand. You stay classy Belicheat.

In other news: How Bout Them Rangers today, down 3-0 on the road against the #2 team in the conference, win 5-3, friggin' huge.

Pitchers and catchers in 10 days.

The good commercials: The G2 with the Captain, the one with Chris Kattan (glad to see he's alive), the one with Timberlake/Samberg/Romo, Barkley/Wade, bottle opener suck, Death Match, and carrier pigeons.

The ones that stood out as stupid: Carlos Mencia (shockingly, he has such a tremendous comedic wit), Most of the commercials just weren't that memorable.

And finally, we here at the blog send along our best wishes to Fess (we'll see if he actually reads this thing, wait, does anyone read this thing?), who's going under the knife tomorrow.