Thursday, February 28, 2008

NBC can bite me

Las Vegas was/is a damn good show. Yes it sucked for a few episodes last season, but with the new characters (nothing personal Nikki Cox) and some actual real storylines it was a really solid show. It used to be on Monday night, had good ratings, then didn't have good ratings, so they moved it to Friday night. Well that's gonna help the ratings, put it on the night of the week when nobody watches TV. Asstards.

So there I am, looking for a place to download last week's episode, because mrglass didn't have it yet and idont wasn't working, when I come across a bit of news. NBC canceled the aforementioned program. Not only were they canceling it, they were immediately yanking it off the air, without letting them air a freaking series finale. This is bad enough, and I'll get back to the egregiousity (great word, don't think it's real though)later, because it gets worse.

But first things first, why cancel it in the first place? What are they putting on instead? Unless it's SNL reruns or the NBA on NBC, almost everything on NBC absolutely freaking sucks. The network that used to be my favorite is now borderline terrible. Besides for SNL, The Office, Conan and 30 Rock, what do they have? The Biggest Fucking Loser? While the title of that show is hilarious for its double-meaning, why the hell are they subjecting people to having to watch that drivel? 1 vs 100? The only time Bob Saget should be appearing on my TV is as Danny Tanner, or as the dude from America's Funniest Home Videos. Otherwise, bite me, you cockblocked Drama (and you should be guiding his cock, not blocking it), plus Danny Tanner was gay so change that song.

Next, I'm blanking on what crap is NBC's and what airs on the other crappy networks so allow me a second to go look stuff up. Oh, good call. Just take what SNL made fun of last week. Celebrity Apprentice. Celebrity Jiminy Cricket Getting Raped By a Black Popsicle Stick Apprentice. The 1st season of The Apprentice was okay. But then, it got old, quite quickly. The show's not entertaining, the only good thing about it being on the air is that it gives Darrell Hammond something to do, and do quite well I may add (because there's nothing like some juicy black anus steak). The only show with "celebrities" that works is The Surreal Life. No one wants to watch Papa Smurf compete against the ghost of Anna Nicole Smith to see who can sell the most lemonade. You're telling me that crap is better than Vegas?

What else we got? Ooh, soap operas! Days of Our Lives is the only respectable soap opera they've got, and that's not worth watching anymore since Kirsten Storms left and they fired Winks. But you know what, they need some daytime programming, you can keep that show.

NBC has a new reality show coming out entitled "My Dad is Better Than Your Dad". I hope everybody involved with this show gets cancer of the buttocks. Is this how the kids bond with their fathers now? "Hey son, wanna have a catch"? "F that old man, let's go on reality TV like a couple of jackasses". I sincerely hope the creator of the show gets crushed by a Barnes & Noble. I would like for him to be walking along, pass a Barnes & Noble, have said B & N fall down, and crush him and his testicles.

Knight Rider. I do not kid. NBC has brought back Knight Rider. There apparently was an executive at NBC who was sitting in his office and said to himself, "Precious, ya know what show we didn't do justice to the first time around? The one with the dude from Baywatch and the talking car." Who is this guy, Isiah Thomas? If that's not grounds for immediate dismissal, I don't know what is.

Anyways, back to the Vegas aspect of our program. So I finally managed to get my hands on the double episode entitled 3 Weddings and a Funeral. Wedding #1: Mike/Piper (let the record show, Piper is awesome, Elie, if you're reading this, Camille Guaty is in the 6-10 range, maybe even creeping into the top 5, even though she left Prison Break for The Nine, another good show that got canceled with no ending) were having an official wedding ceremony, Wedding #2: Danny/Delinda finally realized it was time to shotgun it, and Wedding #3: The recent pairing of Sam and Casey's little brother which was a shtikel on the random side of things, but since it was looking like it was the series finale, okay. Then for the funeral aspect, we have the apparent death of Cooper, which therefore turns the wedding ceremony into a memorial service. I thought this was fantastic, I had come to terms with the show getting canceled, and I thought it was very cute, they were gonna have weddings, instead they have a funeral. Fine.

So now we're holding at the last 2 minutes of the episode (which by the way had some fantastic classic Vegas moments, bachelor parties, Polly saying she felt like a donkey kicked her in the uterus, good times). Cooper walks in as James Blunt (yes, that James Blunt, from the King James Blunt bible) is wrapping up some slow song, Piper faints, and it seems like it's going to be a happy ending for the episode. Instead, Delinda starts straight up trippin. She feels like crap, mumbles something about the baby, and then reaches down, presumably under her dress, into her private area, and we see her hand now has blood on it. Holy crap. That sucks. I hope everything's okay, what's going on? But we'll never know because the episode concludes TO BE CONTINUED. In case you didn't understand me, let me devote an entire block of space to that.


But they fucking canceled the show and yanked it off the air so we can see 600 pound fat chicks with their moldy cottage cheese thighs learn how to get anorexic! Why the hell would you cancel a series in the middle of a freaking 2-part episode? Are they retarded? They can't just put it on CNBC, MSNBC, freaking Univision, their website, YouTube, whatever? Do they just not give a hell that there are quite a few people out there who watch this show and would like to know what the f''s up. No, apparently they don't, the network that let Katie Couric go and replaced her with the menopausal Meredith Vieira, decided to just leave us hanging. They are the anti-Coitus. Asstards.

In the meantime go to, where they are coming up with creative ways of getting this show back on.

In other news, spring training games are finally here, and you know what that means, gambling on spring training! Nothin' like it. My play of the day, parlay the Cardinals, Braves and Marlins. Why the f not?

1 comment:

Jersey said...

Know what else sucks? Barry Melrose and his trade-deadline analysis. He's pretty damn blithering.