2 weeks until regular-season baseball, and less than 3 until the final Opening Day in the Bayis. There is a lot of crap going on today. Spitzer resigned, Shelley Duncan continued to be fantastic, Belfer's on fire, but I'm once again too lazy to actually blog about that stuff now. Maybe later. For now, I'll just be making my first official prediction for the 2008 baseball season.
The Mets will go 75-87. That is all.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
On a serious note
Ordinarily we try to keep this blog fun and enjoyable and full of good times. But there has been horrible news today. 
Fucking scumbag Arab terrorist lunatics. I see on Drudge now that Hamas is calling the attacks heroic. I hope they all get a horrible case of ass cancer and die. Hopefully the retaliation will be swift and effective, although in the event that we take out 5 terrorists and 1 "innocent civilian" the media will be all over us for such a horrible crime against humanity.
"Eight people were reported to be killed and approximately 35 wounded in a terror attack at a seminary located near the entrance to Jerusalem on Thursday evening.
Rescue workers evacuate wounded from the scene of Thursday's terror attack in Merkaz Harav Yeshiva in Jerusalem.
Photo: Channel 10
The exact number of people killed was yet to be confirmed, but Magen David Adom have confirmed 10 wounded civilians including three seriously. One terrorist was said to be dead.
Witnesses said that only one terrorist had entered the building and that he managed to fire 500-600 bullets over the course of 10 minutes before he was killed.
Although witnesses claimed only a single terrorist carried out the attack, police were searching the building for an additional terrorist, preventing the entrance of rescue workers.
The incident occurred when at least one terrorist entered the Merkaz Harav Yeshiva in the neighborhood of Kiryat Moshe carrying weapons. The terrorist was not wearing a suicide-bomb belt as earlier reported.
The gunman entered a dining hall where about 80 people were gathered, witnesses said, and opened fire. "There are at least seven killed and 10 people wounded," said Eli Dein, director of Israel's rescue service.
Approximately 50 ambulances were sent to the scene and a 16-year-old boy in serious condition and suffering from chest wounds was seen being evacuated from the scene.
Jerusalem Mayor Uri Lupolianski told Channel 2, "It's very sad tonight in Jerusalem - many people were killed in the heart of Jerusalem."
In Gaza City, residents went out into the streets and fired rifles in celebration in the air after hearing news of the attack on the seminary.
No terror group has claimed responsibility for the attack."
Fucking scumbag Arab terrorist lunatics. I see on Drudge now that Hamas is calling the attacks heroic. I hope they all get a horrible case of ass cancer and die. Hopefully the retaliation will be swift and effective, although in the event that we take out 5 terrorists and 1 "innocent civilian" the media will be all over us for such a horrible crime against humanity.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Favre Retires
Assuming nothing bigger happens in the next 13 hours, the big news of the day is that Brett Favre is actually retiring. Supposedly he would've come back if the Packers got Randy Moss, that didn't happen, he's gone.
Much like Kige, I am surprised. Unlike Kige I'm actually gonna give a reason why. His last pass was a horrible interception to cost his team a spot in the Super Bowl. While not everyone can go out on top, like Elway or Jordan the 1st 2 times around, no athlete wants the last thing they did to be that terrible.
Of course it's a play like that that makes me say Favre is the most overrated great player in sports history. Dude won 3 MVPs, and from '95 to '97 was one of the greatest QBs ever, but since then? He's had overrated sack of crap written all over him. This is a guy who cost his team in big games against inferior competition (like the Giants this year, the Eagles, Falcons and 49ers in the past few years) time and time again with stupid gunslinger interceptions.
Anybody who says Favre was better than Aikman is a jackass.
Peter King and John Madden will be crying themselves to sleep for the next few days.
In other news, the parlay went down again yesterday, as did the straight-up pick. The blog is down 5 Schrutebucks, which means only one thing. Time to go a little insane with today's lines. The lines aren't up yet, but I'll be back later with the picks. Awesome.
UPDATE: And we're back. Alright, let's go crazy. Straight-up Schrutebucks: Marlins, Twins, Cardinals, Pirates. Parlay the Yankees and Braves, but this time do so with a Schrutebuck and 5 Stanley Nickels.
WEDNESDAY UPDATE: The blog hit a parlay! Yeah, baby. Unfortunately, 0-3 with 1 no action on the straight-ups, so we lost another 4 Stanley Nickels. Today, 2 Schrutebucks and a Stanley Nickel on the Yankees, with 1 Schrutebuck on the Dodgers, Astros, Braves, and Reds. No parlays today, I have a headache.
Much like Kige, I am surprised. Unlike Kige I'm actually gonna give a reason why. His last pass was a horrible interception to cost his team a spot in the Super Bowl. While not everyone can go out on top, like Elway or Jordan the 1st 2 times around, no athlete wants the last thing they did to be that terrible.
Of course it's a play like that that makes me say Favre is the most overrated great player in sports history. Dude won 3 MVPs, and from '95 to '97 was one of the greatest QBs ever, but since then? He's had overrated sack of crap written all over him. This is a guy who cost his team in big games against inferior competition (like the Giants this year, the Eagles, Falcons and 49ers in the past few years) time and time again with stupid gunslinger interceptions.
Anybody who says Favre was better than Aikman is a jackass.
Peter King and John Madden will be crying themselves to sleep for the next few days.
In other news, the parlay went down again yesterday, as did the straight-up pick. The blog is down 5 Schrutebucks, which means only one thing. Time to go a little insane with today's lines. The lines aren't up yet, but I'll be back later with the picks. Awesome.
UPDATE: And we're back. Alright, let's go crazy. Straight-up Schrutebucks: Marlins, Twins, Cardinals, Pirates. Parlay the Yankees and Braves, but this time do so with a Schrutebuck and 5 Stanley Nickels.
WEDNESDAY UPDATE: The blog hit a parlay! Yeah, baby. Unfortunately, 0-3 with 1 no action on the straight-ups, so we lost another 4 Stanley Nickels. Today, 2 Schrutebucks and a Stanley Nickel on the Yankees, with 1 Schrutebuck on the Dodgers, Astros, Braves, and Reds. No parlays today, I have a headache.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Parlay baby parlay
No real thoughts now, it is Sunday morning after all, but we do need to win our spring training parlay money back since the blog is down 2 Schrutebucks.
So today, the undefeated Yankees together with the Dodgers and the Pirates.
MONDAY UPDATES: 1. It was pointed out to me I left out Heroes in my list of solid NBC shows. I then remembered I left out My Name is Earl, which is a good show, but makes for a terrible day-by-day calender. My bad, but Vegas should still go on.
2. While I'm here, the Monday parlay (Blog is -3 Schrutebucks): Yankees/Tigers/Dodgers, and while we're at it, screw parlays, I'm gonna go public with one of my straight-up picks, put a Schrutebuck on the Braves.
So today, the undefeated Yankees together with the Dodgers and the Pirates.
MONDAY UPDATES: 1. It was pointed out to me I left out Heroes in my list of solid NBC shows. I then remembered I left out My Name is Earl, which is a good show, but makes for a terrible day-by-day calender. My bad, but Vegas should still go on.
2. While I'm here, the Monday parlay (Blog is -3 Schrutebucks): Yankees/Tigers/Dodgers, and while we're at it, screw parlays, I'm gonna go public with one of my straight-up picks, put a Schrutebuck on the Braves.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Isiah's getting fired! Wait, he's staying?
The latest Knick news involves the rumor of ex-Knick Kiki Vandeweghe coming in as GM and president, with Isiah only being the coach. Now, anything involving Isiah losing power is fantastic, so at first glance this sounds great. However it could be so much better, and there's really no reason why it shouldn't be.
Jerry Colangelo has been saying that he'd like to become the Knicks GM/prez, how he views it as a challenge and how he'd like to turn around the fortunes of one of the marquee teams in the sport. He is better than Kiki Vandeweghe, why aren't we going after him? Oh yeah, Dolan's an idiot. Remember, in the '02 draft Vandeweghe took Tskitishvilli over Amare, which is up there with Weis over Artest.
Jeff Van Gundy is a television analyst. He used to be a damn good coach. Why would we rather have the coach who can best be described as a sack of crap, over the coach who took us to our last conference championship? Plus, I'm sure Isiah's not gonna be bitter or anything that he's being stripped of most of his control of the team.
Either way, it's not official yet, and therefore the coach/GM/president of the Knicks remains the biggest asstard of all.
In other news: Flozell "The Hotel" is coming back to the 'Boys for 6 years, 42 million. Very solid decision to bring him back, and it cost us less than I thought it would. Yes, he's good for one false start a game, but he absolutely shut down every defensive end he faced, especially Osi Umentakesdumpsongirlschestura (well, in 11 of the 12 quarters they played, then illegal hands to the face was apparently no longer a penalty and the rest is history, sad, sad, history), and is one of the 2-3 best left tackles in the game.
The Macs' magical run came to an end last night, going down 73-52 to St. Joseph's, who will now unsurprisingly face Farmingdale State on Saturday night for the conference championship. If only Shuki didn't get hurt, who knows what might have been.
And finally, while the Marlins and Cardinals won, the Dodgers scored 3 in the bottom of the 9th to beat Atlanta 5-4. Adding insult to injury, they scored these runs off the dynamic duo of (this is not a joke) Matt DeSalvo and Colter Bean (who were clearly no match for the Dodgers' relievers, and again this is not a joke: Tanyon Sturtze and Mike Myers). Also, from the game recap, an opening paragraph that made me gag, "Joe Torre might have looked out of place wearing Los Angeles Dodgers blue. He was right at home as a winner."
The blog is now down one Spring Training Schrutebuck. Today's spring training parlay: Braves/Reds/Astros. Not as confident in this one as I was yesterday's, but maybe that's a good thing. Plus, today's Dodgers/Braves game is on ESPN! Baseball is back! If I can't watch Yankees vs South Florida (or Las Vegas), I'm gonna watch Dodgers vs Braves dammit.
Jerry Colangelo has been saying that he'd like to become the Knicks GM/prez, how he views it as a challenge and how he'd like to turn around the fortunes of one of the marquee teams in the sport. He is better than Kiki Vandeweghe, why aren't we going after him? Oh yeah, Dolan's an idiot. Remember, in the '02 draft Vandeweghe took Tskitishvilli over Amare, which is up there with Weis over Artest.
Jeff Van Gundy is a television analyst. He used to be a damn good coach. Why would we rather have the coach who can best be described as a sack of crap, over the coach who took us to our last conference championship? Plus, I'm sure Isiah's not gonna be bitter or anything that he's being stripped of most of his control of the team.
Either way, it's not official yet, and therefore the coach/GM/president of the Knicks remains the biggest asstard of all.
In other news: Flozell "The Hotel" is coming back to the 'Boys for 6 years, 42 million. Very solid decision to bring him back, and it cost us less than I thought it would. Yes, he's good for one false start a game, but he absolutely shut down every defensive end he faced, especially Osi Umentakesdumpsongirlschestura (well, in 11 of the 12 quarters they played, then illegal hands to the face was apparently no longer a penalty and the rest is history, sad, sad, history), and is one of the 2-3 best left tackles in the game.
The Macs' magical run came to an end last night, going down 73-52 to St. Joseph's, who will now unsurprisingly face Farmingdale State on Saturday night for the conference championship. If only Shuki didn't get hurt, who knows what might have been.
And finally, while the Marlins and Cardinals won, the Dodgers scored 3 in the bottom of the 9th to beat Atlanta 5-4. Adding insult to injury, they scored these runs off the dynamic duo of (this is not a joke) Matt DeSalvo and Colter Bean (who were clearly no match for the Dodgers' relievers, and again this is not a joke: Tanyon Sturtze and Mike Myers). Also, from the game recap, an opening paragraph that made me gag, "Joe Torre might have looked out of place wearing Los Angeles Dodgers blue. He was right at home as a winner."
The blog is now down one Spring Training Schrutebuck. Today's spring training parlay: Braves/Reds/Astros. Not as confident in this one as I was yesterday's, but maybe that's a good thing. Plus, today's Dodgers/Braves game is on ESPN! Baseball is back! If I can't watch Yankees vs South Florida (or Las Vegas), I'm gonna watch Dodgers vs Braves dammit.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
NBC can bite me
Las Vegas was/is a damn good show. Yes it sucked for a few episodes last season, but with the new characters (nothing personal Nikki Cox) and some actual real storylines it was a really solid show. It used to be on Monday night, had good ratings, then didn't have good ratings, so they moved it to Friday night. Well that's gonna help the ratings, put it on the night of the week when nobody watches TV. Asstards.
So there I am, looking for a place to download last week's episode, because mrglass didn't have it yet and idont wasn't working, when I come across a bit of news. NBC canceled the aforementioned program. Not only were they canceling it, they were immediately yanking it off the air, without letting them air a freaking series finale. This is bad enough, and I'll get back to the egregiousity (great word, don't think it's real though)later, because it gets worse.
But first things first, why cancel it in the first place? What are they putting on instead? Unless it's SNL reruns or the NBA on NBC, almost everything on NBC absolutely freaking sucks. The network that used to be my favorite is now borderline terrible. Besides for SNL, The Office, Conan and 30 Rock, what do they have? The Biggest Fucking Loser? While the title of that show is hilarious for its double-meaning, why the hell are they subjecting people to having to watch that drivel? 1 vs 100? The only time Bob Saget should be appearing on my TV is as Danny Tanner, or as the dude from America's Funniest Home Videos. Otherwise, bite me, you cockblocked Drama (and you should be guiding his cock, not blocking it), plus Danny Tanner was gay so change that song.
Next, I'm blanking on what crap is NBC's and what airs on the other crappy networks so allow me a second to go look stuff up. Oh, good call. Just take what SNL made fun of last week. Celebrity Apprentice. Celebrity Jiminy Cricket Getting Raped By a Black Popsicle Stick Apprentice. The 1st season of The Apprentice was okay. But then, it got old, quite quickly. The show's not entertaining, the only good thing about it being on the air is that it gives Darrell Hammond something to do, and do quite well I may add (because there's nothing like some juicy black anus steak). The only show with "celebrities" that works is The Surreal Life. No one wants to watch Papa Smurf compete against the ghost of Anna Nicole Smith to see who can sell the most lemonade. You're telling me that crap is better than Vegas?
What else we got? Ooh, soap operas! Days of Our Lives is the only respectable soap opera they've got, and that's not worth watching anymore since Kirsten Storms left and they fired Winks. But you know what, they need some daytime programming, you can keep that show.
NBC has a new reality show coming out entitled "My Dad is Better Than Your Dad". I hope everybody involved with this show gets cancer of the buttocks. Is this how the kids bond with their fathers now? "Hey son, wanna have a catch"? "F that old man, let's go on reality TV like a couple of jackasses". I sincerely hope the creator of the show gets crushed by a Barnes & Noble. I would like for him to be walking along, pass a Barnes & Noble, have said B & N fall down, and crush him and his testicles.
Knight Rider. I do not kid. NBC has brought back Knight Rider. There apparently was an executive at NBC who was sitting in his office and said to himself, "Precious, ya know what show we didn't do justice to the first time around? The one with the dude from Baywatch and the talking car." Who is this guy, Isiah Thomas? If that's not grounds for immediate dismissal, I don't know what is.
Anyways, back to the Vegas aspect of our program. So I finally managed to get my hands on the double episode entitled 3 Weddings and a Funeral. Wedding #1: Mike/Piper (let the record show, Piper is awesome, Elie, if you're reading this, Camille Guaty is in the 6-10 range, maybe even creeping into the top 5, even though she left Prison Break for The Nine, another good show that got canceled with no ending) were having an official wedding ceremony, Wedding #2: Danny/Delinda finally realized it was time to shotgun it, and Wedding #3: The recent pairing of Sam and Casey's little brother which was a shtikel on the random side of things, but since it was looking like it was the series finale, okay. Then for the funeral aspect, we have the apparent death of Cooper, which therefore turns the wedding ceremony into a memorial service. I thought this was fantastic, I had come to terms with the show getting canceled, and I thought it was very cute, they were gonna have weddings, instead they have a funeral. Fine.
So now we're holding at the last 2 minutes of the episode (which by the way had some fantastic classic Vegas moments, bachelor parties, Polly saying she felt like a donkey kicked her in the uterus, good times). Cooper walks in as James Blunt (yes, that James Blunt, from the King James Blunt bible) is wrapping up some slow song, Piper faints, and it seems like it's going to be a happy ending for the episode. Instead, Delinda starts straight up trippin. She feels like crap, mumbles something about the baby, and then reaches down, presumably under her dress, into her private area, and we see her hand now has blood on it. Holy crap. That sucks. I hope everything's okay, what's going on? But we'll never know because the episode concludes TO BE CONTINUED. In case you didn't understand me, let me devote an entire block of space to that.
TO BE JETER CHRIST DIVING INTO THE STANDS CONTINUED!
But they fucking canceled the show and yanked it off the air so we can see 600 pound fat chicks with their moldy cottage cheese thighs learn how to get anorexic! Why the hell would you cancel a series in the middle of a freaking 2-part episode? Are they retarded? They can't just put it on CNBC, MSNBC, freaking Univision, their website, YouTube, whatever? Do they just not give a hell that there are quite a few people out there who watch this show and would like to know what the f''s up. No, apparently they don't, the network that let Katie Couric go and replaced her with the menopausal Meredith Vieira, decided to just leave us hanging. They are the anti-Coitus. Asstards.
In the meantime go to lasvegas-theseries.com, where they are coming up with creative ways of getting this show back on.
In other news, spring training games are finally here, and you know what that means, gambling on spring training! Nothin' like it. My play of the day, parlay the Cardinals, Braves and Marlins. Why the f not?
So there I am, looking for a place to download last week's episode, because mrglass didn't have it yet and idont wasn't working, when I come across a bit of news. NBC canceled the aforementioned program. Not only were they canceling it, they were immediately yanking it off the air, without letting them air a freaking series finale. This is bad enough, and I'll get back to the egregiousity (great word, don't think it's real though)later, because it gets worse.
But first things first, why cancel it in the first place? What are they putting on instead? Unless it's SNL reruns or the NBA on NBC, almost everything on NBC absolutely freaking sucks. The network that used to be my favorite is now borderline terrible. Besides for SNL, The Office, Conan and 30 Rock, what do they have? The Biggest Fucking Loser? While the title of that show is hilarious for its double-meaning, why the hell are they subjecting people to having to watch that drivel? 1 vs 100? The only time Bob Saget should be appearing on my TV is as Danny Tanner, or as the dude from America's Funniest Home Videos. Otherwise, bite me, you cockblocked Drama (and you should be guiding his cock, not blocking it), plus Danny Tanner was gay so change that song.
Next, I'm blanking on what crap is NBC's and what airs on the other crappy networks so allow me a second to go look stuff up. Oh, good call. Just take what SNL made fun of last week. Celebrity Apprentice. Celebrity Jiminy Cricket Getting Raped By a Black Popsicle Stick Apprentice. The 1st season of The Apprentice was okay. But then, it got old, quite quickly. The show's not entertaining, the only good thing about it being on the air is that it gives Darrell Hammond something to do, and do quite well I may add (because there's nothing like some juicy black anus steak). The only show with "celebrities" that works is The Surreal Life. No one wants to watch Papa Smurf compete against the ghost of Anna Nicole Smith to see who can sell the most lemonade. You're telling me that crap is better than Vegas?
What else we got? Ooh, soap operas! Days of Our Lives is the only respectable soap opera they've got, and that's not worth watching anymore since Kirsten Storms left and they fired Winks. But you know what, they need some daytime programming, you can keep that show.
NBC has a new reality show coming out entitled "My Dad is Better Than Your Dad". I hope everybody involved with this show gets cancer of the buttocks. Is this how the kids bond with their fathers now? "Hey son, wanna have a catch"? "F that old man, let's go on reality TV like a couple of jackasses". I sincerely hope the creator of the show gets crushed by a Barnes & Noble. I would like for him to be walking along, pass a Barnes & Noble, have said B & N fall down, and crush him and his testicles.
Knight Rider. I do not kid. NBC has brought back Knight Rider. There apparently was an executive at NBC who was sitting in his office and said to himself, "Precious, ya know what show we didn't do justice to the first time around? The one with the dude from Baywatch and the talking car." Who is this guy, Isiah Thomas? If that's not grounds for immediate dismissal, I don't know what is.
Anyways, back to the Vegas aspect of our program. So I finally managed to get my hands on the double episode entitled 3 Weddings and a Funeral. Wedding #1: Mike/Piper (let the record show, Piper is awesome, Elie, if you're reading this, Camille Guaty is in the 6-10 range, maybe even creeping into the top 5, even though she left Prison Break for The Nine, another good show that got canceled with no ending) were having an official wedding ceremony, Wedding #2: Danny/Delinda finally realized it was time to shotgun it, and Wedding #3: The recent pairing of Sam and Casey's little brother which was a shtikel on the random side of things, but since it was looking like it was the series finale, okay. Then for the funeral aspect, we have the apparent death of Cooper, which therefore turns the wedding ceremony into a memorial service. I thought this was fantastic, I had come to terms with the show getting canceled, and I thought it was very cute, they were gonna have weddings, instead they have a funeral. Fine.
So now we're holding at the last 2 minutes of the episode (which by the way had some fantastic classic Vegas moments, bachelor parties, Polly saying she felt like a donkey kicked her in the uterus, good times). Cooper walks in as James Blunt (yes, that James Blunt, from the King James Blunt bible) is wrapping up some slow song, Piper faints, and it seems like it's going to be a happy ending for the episode. Instead, Delinda starts straight up trippin. She feels like crap, mumbles something about the baby, and then reaches down, presumably under her dress, into her private area, and we see her hand now has blood on it. Holy crap. That sucks. I hope everything's okay, what's going on? But we'll never know because the episode concludes TO BE CONTINUED. In case you didn't understand me, let me devote an entire block of space to that.
TO BE JETER CHRIST DIVING INTO THE STANDS CONTINUED!
But they fucking canceled the show and yanked it off the air so we can see 600 pound fat chicks with their moldy cottage cheese thighs learn how to get anorexic! Why the hell would you cancel a series in the middle of a freaking 2-part episode? Are they retarded? They can't just put it on CNBC, MSNBC, freaking Univision, their website, YouTube, whatever? Do they just not give a hell that there are quite a few people out there who watch this show and would like to know what the f''s up. No, apparently they don't, the network that let Katie Couric go and replaced her with the menopausal Meredith Vieira, decided to just leave us hanging. They are the anti-Coitus. Asstards.
In the meantime go to lasvegas-theseries.com, where they are coming up with creative ways of getting this show back on.
In other news, spring training games are finally here, and you know what that means, gambling on spring training! Nothin' like it. My play of the day, parlay the Cardinals, Braves and Marlins. Why the f not?
The video I've been looking for forever
One of these days I'll start legit blogging again. Until then, I bring to you the video I've been looking for literally close to a year. Oh yeah.
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