Even though it's no longer football season I couldn't help but post part of a fantastic article written by some dude, Johnny from Metroville, on Deadspin.
The beginning is boring, and about how he doesn't understand why people hate him because he's a Patriot fan. But then, oh sweet Jeter Christ, then, he spins some Dachsian rhymes. An example, taken from his description of Giants fans:
"one day very soon, you will wake up to discover ... that you are all douchebags. Pedophile douchebags is what I'm suggesting be the modifier: you are all pedophile douchebags whose hero is an overgrown Sea Monkey that constantly looks to be on the verge of tears. Eli Manning could fall ass-backwards into a Super Bowl victory with the East Rutherford Giants every season for the rest of his God-affronting career and history will never concede that he is a talented football player by any stretch of the imagination."
Check the rest out right over here.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Why the Shaq trade doesn't suck
There are some out there (too lazy to do the linking thing but Taz and Kige are among them), who think that Phoenix trading Marion for Shaq is the worst trade of all time. Incorrect. I'll list some worse trades later, but the main point is, it's really not that bad of a trade.
Marion has an ego issue, where he feels, albeit rightfully so, that he is underappreciated. While Nash is winning MVPs, and Amare is viewed as the best forward on the Suns, Marion's array of talents really does go relatively unnoticed by the mainstream media. His being left off the All-Star team this season really didn't help this issue, plus there have been many instances where he has made moronic comments (for more info, check out :07 Seconds or Less, Jack McCallum's book on the Suns, where even D'Antoni talks about this).
Less than a year ago, Doc Rivers, Kenny Smith and Steve Kerr were asked if given 1 player to build a team around, who they would take. They each said Shaq. Of course he's not what he once was (and these admittedly aren't the greatest basketball minds of all time, although they are pretty knowledgeable about this kind of thing), but a healthy motivated Shaq is still one of the best centers in the league. He is a fantastic passer, and with all of the 3-point shooting Phoenix does it will really help them to have him down low. Phoenix's team as of last week was never going to win a championship if they had to go through San Antonio, which is all too likely. Now they have a more well-balanced team, and Shaq will for their sake hopefully not get destroyed by Duncan as Amare did in last year's playoffs.
Also, while Shaq's contract is terrible, he's got 2 years left where he'll be a Sun if they want them. Marion was almost definitely going to opt out after this season.
From the Heat's perspective, this is a fantastic trade. They get out of a horrific contract and bring in Marion, who as mentioned can opt out after this season. If he doesn't, fantastic, a team built around Wade and Marion can do a lot of cool things in the East, especially if they do as expected and make a play with their expiring contracts for Bibby and/or Artest in the offseason.
As for the worst NBA trade of the last 4 or 5 years, as Kige put it, there is no doubt it is the Knicks trading Penny Hardaway's contract and Trevor Ariza for Steve Francis. Francis was Marbury but worse, with a terrible contract, while Ariza is one of those solid young players you want on your team, and Penny's contract could've freed up a lot of space.
Honorable mentions to the Marbury trade, the Curry trade, the Malik Rose trade, and in the non-Knick division, the Baron Davis trade and the Magic trading McGrady for Francis (yep, him again) and other crap.
Marion has an ego issue, where he feels, albeit rightfully so, that he is underappreciated. While Nash is winning MVPs, and Amare is viewed as the best forward on the Suns, Marion's array of talents really does go relatively unnoticed by the mainstream media. His being left off the All-Star team this season really didn't help this issue, plus there have been many instances where he has made moronic comments (for more info, check out :07 Seconds or Less, Jack McCallum's book on the Suns, where even D'Antoni talks about this).
Less than a year ago, Doc Rivers, Kenny Smith and Steve Kerr were asked if given 1 player to build a team around, who they would take. They each said Shaq. Of course he's not what he once was (and these admittedly aren't the greatest basketball minds of all time, although they are pretty knowledgeable about this kind of thing), but a healthy motivated Shaq is still one of the best centers in the league. He is a fantastic passer, and with all of the 3-point shooting Phoenix does it will really help them to have him down low. Phoenix's team as of last week was never going to win a championship if they had to go through San Antonio, which is all too likely. Now they have a more well-balanced team, and Shaq will for their sake hopefully not get destroyed by Duncan as Amare did in last year's playoffs.
Also, while Shaq's contract is terrible, he's got 2 years left where he'll be a Sun if they want them. Marion was almost definitely going to opt out after this season.
From the Heat's perspective, this is a fantastic trade. They get out of a horrific contract and bring in Marion, who as mentioned can opt out after this season. If he doesn't, fantastic, a team built around Wade and Marion can do a lot of cool things in the East, especially if they do as expected and make a play with their expiring contracts for Bibby and/or Artest in the offseason.
As for the worst NBA trade of the last 4 or 5 years, as Kige put it, there is no doubt it is the Knicks trading Penny Hardaway's contract and Trevor Ariza for Steve Francis. Francis was Marbury but worse, with a terrible contract, while Ariza is one of those solid young players you want on your team, and Penny's contract could've freed up a lot of space.
Honorable mentions to the Marbury trade, the Curry trade, the Malik Rose trade, and in the non-Knick division, the Baron Davis trade and the Magic trading McGrady for Francis (yep, him again) and other crap.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Eli Manning: Super Bowl MVP
Words I honestly thought would never go together. I'm shocked. The pass to Tyree where he Romo'd his way away from 2 D-Linemen was incredible.
There were plenty of classic Eli terrible passes, and the Patriots dropped like 4 interceptable crappy throws, but the Giants are the champs, and Eli Freaking Manning is going to DisneyWorld. Congratulations. For the first time in 5 years the Lombardi Trophy is back in the NFC, and for the first time in 12 years it's back in the NFC East.
At the end of the day, I'm very happy the Patriots lost. Anything that makes asstard Red Sox fans sad is fantastic with me. I couldn't root for the Giants during the game, but at least Boston lost. I can't wait to read Simmons's column. This was a lot like Texas over USC in the Rose Bowl. Everyone in the media was talking about the Patriots, as they were talking about the Trojans then, as the greatest team of all time, before they had finished the job.
I actually predicted New England would go 18-0 and then lose the Super Bowl, although it should've been to Romo and co. Speaking of which, I have yet to hear anyone blame Gisele for Brady's struggles tonight. Stupid media asstards.
And as always, Belichik, the epitome of class, running off the field instead of shaking Coughlin's hand. You stay classy Belicheat.
In other news: How Bout Them Rangers today, down 3-0 on the road against the #2 team in the conference, win 5-3, friggin' huge.
Pitchers and catchers in 10 days.
The good commercials: The G2 with the Captain, the one with Chris Kattan (glad to see he's alive), the one with Timberlake/Samberg/Romo, Barkley/Wade, bottle opener suck, Cars.com Death Match, and carrier pigeons.
The ones that stood out as stupid: Carlos Mencia (shockingly, he has such a tremendous comedic wit), salesgenie.com. Most of the commercials just weren't that memorable.
And finally, we here at the blog send along our best wishes to Fess (we'll see if he actually reads this thing, wait, does anyone read this thing?), who's going under the knife tomorrow.
There were plenty of classic Eli terrible passes, and the Patriots dropped like 4 interceptable crappy throws, but the Giants are the champs, and Eli Freaking Manning is going to DisneyWorld. Congratulations. For the first time in 5 years the Lombardi Trophy is back in the NFC, and for the first time in 12 years it's back in the NFC East.
At the end of the day, I'm very happy the Patriots lost. Anything that makes asstard Red Sox fans sad is fantastic with me. I couldn't root for the Giants during the game, but at least Boston lost. I can't wait to read Simmons's column. This was a lot like Texas over USC in the Rose Bowl. Everyone in the media was talking about the Patriots, as they were talking about the Trojans then, as the greatest team of all time, before they had finished the job.
I actually predicted New England would go 18-0 and then lose the Super Bowl, although it should've been to Romo and co. Speaking of which, I have yet to hear anyone blame Gisele for Brady's struggles tonight. Stupid media asstards.
And as always, Belichik, the epitome of class, running off the field instead of shaking Coughlin's hand. You stay classy Belicheat.
In other news: How Bout Them Rangers today, down 3-0 on the road against the #2 team in the conference, win 5-3, friggin' huge.
Pitchers and catchers in 10 days.
The good commercials: The G2 with the Captain, the one with Chris Kattan (glad to see he's alive), the one with Timberlake/Samberg/Romo, Barkley/Wade, bottle opener suck, Cars.com Death Match, and carrier pigeons.
The ones that stood out as stupid: Carlos Mencia (shockingly, he has such a tremendous comedic wit), salesgenie.com. Most of the commercials just weren't that memorable.
And finally, we here at the blog send along our best wishes to Fess (we'll see if he actually reads this thing, wait, does anyone read this thing?), who's going under the knife tomorrow.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
31 days until pitchers and catchers
The beautiful thing about boxing is that if you're pissed you can punch your opponent in the face. Leonard Davis might want to get that rage out of his system during the offseason instead of getting called for the worst penalty of the year, one of the few the refs got right, his late hit on Michael Strahan. That penalty cost us a first down, killed momentum, and was followed up by a freakin' huge drop by Patrick Crayton. Jason Garrett, brilliant innovative genius that he is, decided to call one deep pass play to the single-covered T.O. during the 2nd half, and had Jason Witten and his 96 receptions blocking on the last play. If the Dolphins want him they can have him, I'd rather keep Tony Sparano anyway. Too bad Parcells isn't retarded.
I hate using excuses like bugs, fugazy behavior or refs to rationalize a loss, but the refs sucked. One of the most egregious examples was the intentional grounding call on Romo. The rule states that it should be called if the QB is under duress. It was not. That backed us up 10 yards, leading to 2nd and 20.
But the officiating screwup that cost us the most was on Barber's non-fumble in the last minute of the game. The Giants took the ball and started running with it. The refs chose to allow them to waste our precious time, costing us 20 seconds that could have been used picking apart the Giants' mediocre pass defense, instead of having to force balls into the end zone.
At the end of the day, Romo's still the man, Eli's still a retard, with a heretofore unrealized, by me at least, speech defect that gives me more ammunition to make fun of him, and if these 2 teams were playing today I'd be very confident Dallas would win.
Let's go Packers. There is no point spread too high that will stop me from banging them. Hard.
I hate using excuses like bugs, fugazy behavior or refs to rationalize a loss, but the refs sucked. One of the most egregious examples was the intentional grounding call on Romo. The rule states that it should be called if the QB is under duress. It was not. That backed us up 10 yards, leading to 2nd and 20.
But the officiating screwup that cost us the most was on Barber's non-fumble in the last minute of the game. The Giants took the ball and started running with it. The refs chose to allow them to waste our precious time, costing us 20 seconds that could have been used picking apart the Giants' mediocre pass defense, instead of having to force balls into the end zone.
At the end of the day, Romo's still the man, Eli's still a retard, with a heretofore unrealized, by me at least, speech defect that gives me more ammunition to make fun of him, and if these 2 teams were playing today I'd be very confident Dallas would win.
Let's go Packers. There is no point spread too high that will stop me from banging them. Hard.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Pretty big game this Sunday
For the first time in 11 years, my Dallas Cowboys are alive in the 2nd round of the playoffs. And apparently, the enormous Jessica Simpson distraction that the media is trying to create is leading some pundits, albeit the retarded ones, to actually think the Giants will win this game. Let's just break this down with a few simple numbers:
Season Record: Cowboys- 13-3, Giants- 10-6
Week 1: Cowboys 45, Giants 35
Week 10: Cowboys 31, Giants 20
What am I missing here? The only chink in the Cowboys' armor is the terrible play of the last 3 games, and most of that can be attributed to Romo's injured thumb and T.O.'s injured ankle. Romo's thumb is better, and T.O.'s been practicing and should be good to go. So, how we not winning this game?
(Oh that's right, because we're the Cowboys and we'll manage to screw it up in the end.)
Season Record: Cowboys- 13-3, Giants- 10-6
Week 1: Cowboys 45, Giants 35
Week 10: Cowboys 31, Giants 20
What am I missing here? The only chink in the Cowboys' armor is the terrible play of the last 3 games, and most of that can be attributed to Romo's injured thumb and T.O.'s injured ankle. Romo's thumb is better, and T.O.'s been practicing and should be good to go. So, how we not winning this game?
(Oh that's right, because we're the Cowboys and we'll manage to screw it up in the end.)
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